Let's do the time warp...please?!

I'd like to begin by noting how very much I love my daughter.

She is this beautiful, fiercely alive creature that I still can't believe we made out of thin air. I would not trade staying home with her for anything. Marryn is my whole heart.

That being said, sometimes I feel as though time has forgotten me. When people ask, "Isn't time just flying by?" I want to yell that "No! It is most certainly not." Is it supposed to be flying, because right now it feels like my 13 week old should be about seven?

Maybe it's the sleeplessness talking. When you don't sleep more than three hours at a time for seven months, I guess you're bound to get a little loopy.

I can say that on the whole I enjoy what happens while time is moving at a snails pace. The cycle of nursing, playing, changing, rocking, rinse and repeating is one I look forward to everyday. I love every minute being with Marryn. All I'm saying is I feel every one of those minutes for what they are, and I'm afraid this makes me a bad parent.

Ahhh second guessing oneself...

Conversely, I have marveled at the almost immediate speed which mother's guilt sets in.

Santa, I have a baby

Marryn is alomost 12 weeks old. This lil' cutie pie is very smiley, has almost total head control, and rolled from her tummy to back recently. She's amazing, she's fun, she inspired a little Christmas ditty.

Ahem...




Santa I have a Baby


So slip an upper into my tea for me


Been an awful tired girl


Santa I have a baby


So help a new mommy tonight





Santa I have a baby


I need under eye concealer too


Light blue - hides redness well


I'll be up at 1 am for you dear


Santa I have a baby


So help a new mommy tonight





Think of all the sleep I've missed


Think of my husband that I haven't kissed


Next year I could be just as tired


If you were to hide my contraception


(and I'd be pissed)





Bah-do-bee-do





Santa I have a baby


I wanna yacht - to nap on


And really that's not a lot


Haven't slept in a year


Santa I have a baby


So help a new mommy tonight





Santa honey, there's one thing I really do need


You to feed


My infant at 3 am


Santa honey


So help a new mommy tonight





Santa cutie, fill my stocking with a duplex and checks


Too tired to think of a clever line


Santa cutie


So help a new mommy tonight





Come and put up my Christmas tree


With some decorations bought anywhere - because I haven't gotten around to it yet


I really do believe in you


Let's see if you are worth all those years of milk and cookies I put out





Santa I have a baby


Forgot to mention one little thing


A ring

To a housekeeper's phone


Santa I have a baby

So help a new mommy tonight.





Help a new mommy out...tooooonight.

New Mother or Homeless Person?

Baby news first. Marryn is now two months old. She’s more alert and awake now. She doesn’t care much for tummy time, but enjoys practicing her head holding skills on your lap or your shoulder. Her eyes will follow you around the room. She’ll start to look like she wants to smile or talk to you…then she usually passes gas. It’s very lady like indeed.

I was looking in the mirror yesterday and had to laugh at my appearance. Stringy ponytail, red eyes, stained baggy t-shirt, flip flops. You know when you’re barely pregnant, and you just look kind of fat? Well something similar happens on the other end of pregnancy. When you’re barely a mother you just start to look like a homeless person. The funny realization came when I started counting the similarities, and found they weren’t just physical.

New Mother or Homeless Person?

You rarely bathe or brush your teeth.

Your companions are dogs.

You get excited about drinking alcohol because you can’t have it much.

Nice people who feel sorry for you bring you food.

You’re unemployed.

You wear ill-fitting clothes during the day because you can sleep in them at night.

You sometimes expose yourself in public.

You can wack out on someone and they’ll easily excuse your erratic behavior.

You talk to inanimate objects.

Wiping someone else’s bodily fluids off you is a regular occurrence.

You tote around a small closet’s worth of blankets, clothes, food, etc.

What am I forgetting? Oh yeah, that’s another one.

RIP self possession. See you in about five years.